Isolation is often portrayed as one of the defining problems of the digital age. Yet the experience of being alone is far more complex than the idea of a loneliness epidemic suggests.
A little loneliness can hurt, like a blister, a paper cut or a bruise. Prolonged isolation, however, can have much more serious consequences, even increasing the risk of premature death.
In Zoë Heller’s novel Notes on a Scandal, the narrator, Barbara, describes the relentless weight of solitude: sitting alone on trains with an overwhelming reserve of affection and nowhere to direct it. Loneliness becomes something that accumulates quietly, eventually turning into a source of deep distress.
Research has linked long-term social isolation to a 26% higher risk of premature death and a 32% higher risk of stroke. The consequences are well documented, as are the growing public concern over a supposed “loneliness epidemic”, government efforts to address it and the emergence of artificial intelligence companions designed to offer people a sense of connection.
A few years ago, a visit to a robotics laboratory in Bristol offered a glimpse of one possible solution. Researchers had built a small bungalow filled with technology intended to support older people. One device, named Molly, had a tablet for a chest displaying family photographs and was designed to provide companionship for people living with dementia.
At the time, such technology seemed to offer a glimpse of a future in which robots might help alleviate loneliness. Since then, the pandemic has transformed social habits, and the arrival of ChatGPT has brought conversational AI into everyday life.
But while loneliness deserves attention as a serious social and public health concern, the experience of being alone is not always straightforward. Solitude has many different forms, and examining them can reveal as much about human relationships as about isolation itself.
When being alone becomes content
One of the most visible examples is the rise of so-called loneliness influencers, who have built online followings by documenting their solitary routines.
Their videos often feature women living alone in anonymous modern apartments, disinfecting their shoes, preparing ready-made meals and wiping down kitchen surfaces. The captions spell out the premise: being single, having no friends, living alone and not having children, with another Friday night spent in solitude.
Hundreds of thousands of viewers follow these accounts, while the comments sections become spaces where people share details of their own lives. The result is an unusual form of community built around the experience of being alone.
The more these videos circulate, the more complicated their appeal becomes. Are viewers drawn to them because they recognise their own isolation, or because they envy the quiet and independence on display?
The phenomenon also raises questions about the relationship between reality and performance on social media. The popularity of traditional-wife content, for instance, can partly be driven by viewers who watch with a mixture of criticism and fascination. Similarly, some of the audience for loneliness influencers may consist of exhausted caregivers or people surrounded by others who crave a few hours of uninterrupted solitude.
What appears to be a celebration of isolation may therefore appeal to people whose own lives offer little opportunity to be alone.
Performing solitude for an audience
There is also the question of why the influencers themselves film their routines.
Recording a quiet, orderly life could be a way of creating distance from it, turning an ordinary evening into a carefully controlled performance. Alternatively, documenting these moments might make them feel more tangible, providing a record of how someone navigates life alone.
Sharing such videos could even help relieve the loneliness they appear to celebrate, allowing creators to connect with people who understand their experiences.
And, like other social media personalities, they may simply be presenting a selective version of reality. The calm apartments and repetitive routines seen on screen may conceal a much messier, more socially active life beyond the camera.
These possibilities are not mutually exclusive. What makes loneliness content compelling is precisely the uncertainty surrounding it: the same video can represent independence, vulnerability, performance or a search for connection.
The complicated desire to be seen
Much of the discussion around loneliness focuses on its opposite: the feeling of being seen and understood by others. The phrase has become popular in contemporary conversations about relationships and emotional wellbeing, but it can oversimplify the complexity of human connection.
Being among other people is not necessarily easy. Relationships carry their own risks, misunderstandings and disappointments. Even those who build families and maintain close friendships may experience moments when they feel that nobody fully understands them.
Loneliness, meanwhile, is not always something to eliminate. Like hunger or thirst, its discomfort can sometimes serve a purpose, encouraging people to seek contact and re-enter the world around them.
For others, that search for connection may take place through a phone screen rather than face-to-face encounters.
Loneliness influencers have found a way to turn an experience often associated with invisibility into a form of online celebrity. Their carefully framed videos offer an audience a glimpse of solitude, even as viewers remain absorbed in the digital world that can sometimes intensify their isolation.
There is value in recognising those who struggle with being alone. But the phenomenon also invites a broader reflection on the challenges of living alongside others — and on the fact that people can feel lonely even when they are not alone.
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